


A Lily for Levi

by fantasystrait



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A LOT of Symbolism So Pay Attention to Detail, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armin is a Genius, Autism Spectrum, Emotional Constipation, Floral Therapy, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern Era, Nonlinear Narrative, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Symbolism, When a Psych & English major wants to protect Levi, healing through love, written in vignettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:55:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24447691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasystrait/pseuds/fantasystrait
Summary: Levi finally returns to civilian life after his honorable discharge from the Paradis Military’s most elite black op, the Recon Corps. But the survivor's guilt has eaten away at his humanity. Levi no longer believes in the significance of his own life. Luckily, Levi finds a form of healing through a certain young florist named Eren Yeager, who shows the veteran the purest form of love possible. And together, they discover that they complete each other.
Relationships: Hange Zoë & Levi & Erwin Smith, Levi/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	1. My Grief For Ghosts Has Turned Into Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: The title is a parody of a Gothic horror story called "A Rose for Emily." Similarly, this work will be exploring extremely heavy themes, such as depression, suicide, death, guilt, and more. This story will be told in vignettes of Levi's journey of mental healing after his painful years in the military. I will try to be as realistic as possible, so Levi and Eren's romantic relationship will develop slowly. But as this fic is told in short snippets, this fic will mainly focus on Levi's survivor's guilt. Eren will inevitably be Levi's saving grace.
> 
> In all honestly, this began with a Tumblr prompt: 
> 
> Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter, and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”
> 
> But I made it extremely dark and angsty.
> 
> Ages: Eren and Mikasa are 25, Armin is 7, Levi is 38, Erwin is 45, and Hange is 42. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. I don't own SNK.

_40 Days Before_

The raven-haired man walked through the stark white halls of the airport. Although his stature was short and petite, his aura commanded much attention. Of course, his long, forest green dress uniform, adorned with countless medals and patches, added to his presence.

“Stupid Eyebrows,” Levi muttered under his breath. It was his former commander’s doing that Levi was wearing the fancy regalia rather than his camouflaged civilian attire. Levi was apparently “too highly commended of a soldier,” so he needed to return for his honorable discharge looking the part. In addition, he had to keep up appearances considering the heavy media attention that would follow him as the most decorated officer in the history of Paradis. As expected, there was already attention on him, if not from civilians, then from soldiers: countless soldiers lined up alongside the walls, chests puffed in a strong salute. Levi, hating everything, kept his glare forwards.

“Look Mommy, it’s Captain Levi!” A little boy with big eyes and an even bigger grin suddenly ran towards Levi, his mother protesting and quickly following behind. Despite Levi’s cold demeanor, his heart was large, yet full of loss; and so, he kneeled onto the dusty floor and made eye contact with the boy. The boy gave a wholehearted, stubby salute and exclaimed loudly. “Thank you for being a hero!”

Levi hid a grimace at his chosen word. _Hero_. Knowing that hundreds of eyes and cameras were on him, Levi ruffled the boy’s head, then stood up and placed his left fist behind his back and his right fist onto his aching heart. The boy grinned widely at the returned salute, and he whipped around to grab onto his mother’s skirt. “Mommy, Levi saluted me!”

“Heavens, I am so sorry Captain, please excuse my son…” But Levi was already walking away, as another wave of self-pity and angst enveloped him. Despite being dubbed as “Humanity’s Strongest,” Levi could barely drag the weight of his suitcase, filled with endless patches of the Wings of Freedom.

_38 Days Before_

“Welcome Levi! Would you like some tea?” Hange asked as they shut the sound-proofed door behind the ex-captain. Levi was glad to see a familiar face, yet he refused to express it. “No way Four-Eyes, your tea has always tasted like shit,” he spoke as he plopped down onto the comfortable leather couch. Hange barked out a laugh as they placed a teacup and platter in front of Levi anyway, and they settled into their chair behind the desk.

Levi glanced at a gold and wooden nameplate. “So, military and child psychiatrist, huh? That’s a big jump.” He said, then reluctantly gripped the edges of the teacup with his fingers. Levi took a sip, pleasantly surprised by the taste of jasmine tea with fresh blossoms mixed in. “I know! And that look! I’ve gotten better, haven’t I?” Hange grinned widely and they began to type onto their computer. The man rolled his eyes as he took another sip. It was worlds better than the tea the psychiatrist used to make when they were part of his unit abroad. “It’s passable.”

Hange began to ask him basic questions about his new address and his medical history. Levi gave succinct answers to the medical professional. He was preoccupied, examining the gorgeously arranged bouquet of calla lilies, hydrangea, roses, iris, and snapdragons in front of him. It had the ideal balance of color and dimension and was precisely arranged with the viewer in mind. He highly doubted that Hange made it. Levi glanced around the decorated room, delighted to find more fresh flower arrangements, all of which had a calla lily near the center.

“So how are you feeling today?” Hange asked, fingers finally off of their keyboard as they made eye contact with Levi. Levi rolled his eyes and snapped at them as their friend, not as their patient. “Cut the crap Shitty Glasses. Just get straight to the war shit.”

Hange sighed. “Still the same boring old man as ever, huh Levi…” Levi felt a wave of pain crash over his head as he recalled a similar line being spoken to him and Mike by Hange years back. His next thought was of Mike’s bloody and mutilated body. That was the last mission Levi and Hange were on together.

The sound of the teacup clanging against the platter broke the silence of the room. Levi bit down on his lip and forced his eyes shut. Hange frowned, leaning towards their former comrade. “Levi, you need to open your eyes,” they said calmly.

The man did so, and the first thing that came into his vision was the same bouquet in front of him. Just the sight of the flowers helped to ease the tension inside his war-hardened muscles. Levi sighed heavily and leaned back on the couch, looking at up the ceiling; as if he was looking up at the stars with the ghosts of an amicable blond man and a spunky redhead. “I’m tired of opening my eyes,” he muttered quietly, immediately hating himself for letting down his walls. He did not have to say the rest of his feelings, as he knew the psychiatrist could relate: _I wish I could forget, as I keep trying to forget those who I lost, but I never truly forget. I wish I was there in time to protect my soldiers before my leadership sent them off to die. I wish I never became a soldier, so I did not have to worry about another squad dying, but instead I am being regaled as a lone hero._

Hange sighed heavily, now understanding why Moblit recommended for them to refer Levi to a different psychiatrist – it was too personal. It had been five years since they spoke with Levi, and it seemed like the raven’s mental health had deteriorated greatly. Although, considering Erwin's message... Hange adjusted their glasses. “Levi, what did you think of the tea?” They said instead, leaning slightly to look at Levi’s teacup. They let out a sound of excitement. “Ohh, you finished it! You’ve never finished my tea before!”

Levi scoffed, pushing away his thoughts. “That’s because your tea tasted like shit.”

“Hmm, well I had a good teacher this time,” Hange smiled, thinking of the bright-eyed young man they became friends with. Then it clicked. “Oh, I know!”

Levi covered his ears as his friend’s scream caused ringing in his ears. “Goddamn Hange, shut up.”

“Oh right, tinnitus. I am so sorry. Anyway, Levi, what do you think of this bouquet?” The psychiatrist may act strangely, but Levi knew that they had an extremely keen eye. Levi glanced at it in a disinterested manner. “It’s flowers.”

“Not just any flowers, they’re therapeutic! So now I’m going to give you a prescription,” Hange said, typing furiously on their keyboard. Levi raised an eyebrow. “Hah? I haven’t even told you my symptoms yet. Besides, none of the past medications have worked.”

“This isn’t a medication,” Hange grabbed a pen and a business card from their personal purse and scribbled on it. “I prescribe you a fresh flower bouquet three times a week.”

Even if Levi was not one for material objects, he recalled his former squadmates complaining about how costly it was to have a girlfriend. “Hange, there’s no way I can afford $300 worth of flowers every week.”

Hange was about to say that his retirement benefit was quadruple the amount of a normal Captain’s, but they stayed away from the topic. “No, you only need one flower bouquet a week. You can go in the other two days just to look at the flowers.”

“Go in where? Home Depot?” Levi raised an eyebrow, thinking that Hange’s treatment plan was utter bullshit.

“Nope!” The psychiatrist placed the business card onto the desk in front of Levi. “You’ll be going here.”

Levi picked up the professional, white business card and tucked it away in his wallet, not even reading it. “So, what’s special about this place? Why can’t I just grab a pot of flowers from Walmart and call it a week?”

Hange grinned maniacally. “For one, the owners of the shop bring in the cutest little patient I have ever had. Second, they make beautiful floral arrangements. I get all of mine from there and don’t try to fool me that you haven’t taken interest in them. Third, the male owner is the one who taught me how to make tea! Their shop actually makes fresh flowers into tea.”

“Huh, not bad…” Levi murmured as he glanced at his empty teacup.

“So please, Levi,” Hange’s tone turned serious as they looked into Levi’s eyes. “Please bear with floral therapy. I really think it will help you, especially because of your mother…” They paused, expecting another deadly glare, but felt even worse when they saw Levi scowl at the bouquet with a hardened look in his eye. “But anyway, talk to the owners. The male owner, Eren, is very knowledgeable in flowers and can teach you symbolism. I really think it will help you as you learn to express yourself and integrate back into normal society…”

Levi nodded absentmindedly, tuning out Hange’s words. He tried to recall the appearance of his mother, who would sacrifice a meal for herself just to have fresh flowers in the house every week. She had placed Levi as her highest priority, but she would go hungry just to be able to feel the pleasure of looking at flowers with her sore eyes.

“…And most importantly, the male owner is a hot young man with a nice butt who is just your ty-“

“Finish that sentence and I’ll kill you.”

_31 Days Before_

Levi quickly adjusted to his new schedule of civilian life. There was not much life to change. It had been more than a decade since he lived anywhere but a military base, but a key characteristic of a soldier is adaptability. His morning routine consisted of a several-mile jog, then a shower, then breakfast, then cleaning, then back to cleaning again and again and again. Levi sadly realized that he had no hobbies. Because he could not spend his time polishing his swords or slashing through enemies, Levi scrambled to regain a sense of normalcy. Erwin had recommended for Levi to work as a drill instructor or on one of the Paradis Military’s bases, but Levi no longer wanted to associate himself with the military. So, he would read books and smoke cigarettes. He would pet the neighborhood stray cats and leave food out for them. He would try to watch TV, but action-packed war shows brought nothing but flashes of his time overseas, and the daily news reminded him of the ongoing cruelty of the world.

Sleeping and waking up was another story. Used to years of waking up to the sound of raining bombs, Levi’s body was constantly on full alert, making it difficult for the 38-year-old man to get rest. He would tense at the booming of fireworks and twitch at the low hum of airplanes. Levi’s mind became a bigger adversary: endless night terrors would plague the man, of flashes of him drifting through the sky past a hanging corpse, dripping blood onto the forest floor like the slow pitter-patter of raindrops; looking away from the blond, mutilated and stab-wound riddled; grimacing at the body lying face down on the floor, more bullet holes in them than bones; finally closing his gunmetal eyes in pain at the trampled redhead, run over again and again by a Titan Humvee. Countless faces, a different squad each time, to match the blue and white bloodied patches in Levi’s drawer, of which Levi was haunted by – every night. And so, Levi journeyed to the 24-hour convenience store, sat on his leather armchair, and drank more and more of his conscience, his memories, his life away – every night. Each day as a veteran left his eyebags darker and his soul heavier.

Despite Hange’s constant calls and proposed plans for lunch, Levi had not fulfilled the psychiatrist’s prescription, put off by his sheer annoyance towards them. In addition, the veteran was pissed off at the media appearances he had to fulfill on behalf of Erwin, and by the ongoing hero worship he witnessed everywhere he went. It was one week later when Levi finally visited the shop. It was a warm spring evening, around mid-April, and the temperature finally began to cool down around six. Levi picked up his nightly dose of alcohol and cigarettes several hours earlier than usual. Rather than walking back home, Levi decided to turn left and take a better look at his surrounding neighborhood. Happy families rode on bikes together, teenagers giggled as they walked their dogs, and couples sat on wooden benches, bodies leaned together. Levi looked away, swallowing roughly and continuing on his trek. The curious eyes focused on him felt like knives, and any awe found in them made it even worse: _Levi’s a hero. He’s so strong. But he looks so lonely._

Because Levi wasn’t a hero. He was a survivor.

With his quickened pace, it only took a minute or two for Levi to reach his destination. “Huh, so Four-Eyes was right…” He muttered to himself as he held the business card in his hand. The flower shop was only minutes away from his apartment. It was quaint and simple, with stunning bouquets in the display windows, signs placed in the front advertising special deals for graduation, and a notable navy blue and white paint theme. The shop had a second floor, which was possibly an apartment. The building seemed to glow amongst the stifling atmosphere of the city. Levi tilted his head up and read the sign with the words “Carla Lilies: Floral Therapy and Tea” in fancy script. _So that’s why they recommended this place to me_ , Levi thought. The shop was right up his alley, and it was warm and inviting too.

Levi looked back at the window. Through the glass, he spotted a tall young man with dark hair tied in a ponytail running around the shop, smiling as he chased a laughing small blond boy. Off to the side, a young Asian woman with long black hair smiled softly, hands masterfully assembling a flower lei. Levi reached out and placed his hand on the doorknob.

But suddenly, a low rumble of thunder croaked. The crowd of families and teenagers cleared out as it began to rain. Levi watched as the owners of the shop scrambled, the woman calming the child down as the man sprinted to the back with a tarp. Lightning struck again, but this time with a sharp, loud whip of thunder. With the flash, Levi’s eyes widened at his reflection in the glass of the door, for the faces of his fallen comrades appeared beside him for a millisecond.

The ex-captain bit his lip roughly and he stumbled away, nails digging into the palm of his hands. He stood there under the increasingly heavy rain, in front of the flower shop, for what seemed like an hour; uncaring of his soaked clothing and the water dampening his cigarettes. He watched as business owners rushed out of their shops and closed their doors before the downpour became too strong. The once joyous atmosphere of Shiganshina District was nonexistent, the streets were empty, and the wooden park benches became bare. A ubiquitous melancholy permeated the damp air. Nothing was left but one man, one soldier, one Captain.

Alone.

He finally looked back at the flower shop in front of him and was surprised to see that rather than dimming with the others, the aura of the shop seemed to shine brighter than ever. Through the black bangs sticking to his forehead, Levi watched as the woman placed wood into the fireplace, and the man gently set down a flower crown of California wild rose, calendula, golden yarrow, and monkeyflowers onto the child’s head. The blond slowly lowered his hands from his ears and began to grin widely. The woman then distributed tea to the males, and the trio sat down in front of the fire, snuggling together.

Levi felt strange looking at the scene. He felt like an outsider, and part of him wanted to run back to his apartment and drown in booze. But despite Levi’s countless erected walls and his years of pushing away his feelings, a primal, human part of the veteran yearned to feel such warmth: it had screamed and crawled and fought as a bloody mess in a field of corpses before, and it would continue to do so in order to reach that hopeful warmth.

Finally, tired of the intangible pain of the rain pounding against him, Levi hesitantly turned away and began dragging himself to his cold, lonely apartment.


	2. My Flower of Hope Begins to Wilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this fic, there will be spoilers for who dies through Season 2 of the anime. But honestly, I get to pick and choose who's alive here. This chapter is less of a vignette and more of an actual event from start to finish. This is because Eren and Levi's first meeting is critical. Fun fact: this story can get dialogue-heavy at times, but speaking our thoughts out loud is a good thing.
> 
> Chapter notes: in which Eren gives passionate speeches about flowers, not titans. Tumblr prompt time.

_29 Days Before_

Levi was tired of everything. He was tired of taking antidepressants that did not work. He was tired of taking sleeping pills that did not work. He was tired of experiencing night terrors, and he eventually tried forcing his body to sheer exhaustion so he would collapse into a peaceful sleep – that, did not work. But it wasn’t the guilt that ate away at him, nor was it the desire to feel loved, that finally encouraged the ex-captain to enter Carla Lilies. It was the endless, bothersome, wearisome pestering of a certain psychiatrist; especially after yesterday’s session.

The city of Maria seemed to be especially rainy, much to Levi’s chagrin – any form of precipitation bothered the veteran, but the snow was the worst, for he hated the cold. That afternoon, because the sun was out for once, Levi seized the opportunity and stormed into the flower shop. He took notice of the pleasant aroma pervading the air, and he observed that the man was alone in the shop today. The male owner, or Eren as Hange had called him, stood with his back towards Levi. The brunet hummed to himself happily and called out a “Welcome!” over his shoulder after the front door closed with a ring. Levi slammed a one-hundred-dollar bill onto the counter, definitely planning on purchasing the first of three flower arrangements he needed for the week. With Hange in mind, he demanded, “How do I passive-aggressively say ‘fuck you’ in flower?”

Eren let out a sound of genuine laughter. “Well, that’s one hell of a pick-up line,” he said as he turned around and finally made eye contact with Levi. Strangely, the taller man released a girlish shriek of surprise and nearly dropped the dozen of green roses he was holding. “C-Captain L-Levi! I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t see you there!”

Several things happened at that moment. For starters, Levi experienced a small burst of irritation at the fact that the brat was a whole head taller than him. Then he finally got a good look at Eren’s face. The man looked quite young, with tanned skin, a chiseled jawline, chin-level brown locks let down today, and the most stunning feature of all, passionate green eyes with gold flecks. Levi furrowed his brows and immediately pushed away any thoughts he had towards the brat; he had experienced his fair share of suitors over his life, all attractive men and women, but he preferred reclusion. Although he could not deny Eren’s picturesque beauty, Levi did not think much of the situation. The ex-captain refused to build meaningful relationships with anyone else – as a result, it had been years since Levi began a conversation with someone who was not a soldier. So, despite Levi commonly despising any hero-worship held towards him, he could not help but tease the young man because of his truly candid reaction. “Hah? Are you making fun of my height now, Shitty Brat?”

“AH!” Eren placed a hand over his mouth, flailing backward. “N-No, I’m so sorry-” and this time, the brat managed to knock a vase over, and it shattered into pieces on the floor. Eren and Levi stood there for a few moments and held eye contact. For the former, turquoise eyes held invisible, shaky hope; for the latter, gunmetal gray eyes held concealed, quivering enervation.

Eren finally closed his mouth and ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “I apologize again. I just wanted to say thank you for your service!” He clenched his fists into his navy apron. “H-Here, let me treat you to some tea while I clean this up,” he stumbled over his words, stepping over the shattered glass. Levi was directed to a back room, which was clearly designed to be for the owners and their blond child… and suddenly Levi had more questions about Eren’s bare ring finger.

“Do you have any preferences?” Eren called out after setting a kettle of water on the stove. Levi gave a nonchalant “Surprise me” and watched curiously as Eren ran into the greenhouse and emerged with several chamomile flowers in a basket. Leaving the brunet to do his thing, Levi decided to take a better look around. Despite the immediately friendly and welcoming demeanor of both Eren and the shop, Levi still would not feel comfortable until he cased the building – one reason why selecting an apartment took much longer than usual. Two decades in the Recon Corps had ingrained the behavior into Levi. Even then, his muscles were always on full alert in the city, especially with the ongoing cacophony of sirens and loud car engines.

The room was painted a light pastel green, which he found to be a peculiar choice, considering Hange had rambled on and on about color theory to him once – it was difficult to forget their words considering they had been by Levi’s side for hours, the doctor checking on the soldier’s left leg. The room was decorated from top to bottom with flower arrangements. Levi immediately identified that the centerpiece of most arrangements were calla lilies, and he determined that it had something to do with the shop’s name – or maybe the brat just couldn’t spell. Curious, Levi ran his fingers alongside the bottom of a wooden table and was pleased to find no dust.

“Ow!” Levi heard Eren’s shout of pain from the front of the store, accompanied by the clattering of what was most likely a broom. Concluding that he still had time, Levi continued his observations. There was a shelf with around forty bottles of essences, each labeled by what seemed to be a flower name and a description below it. He initially thought they were perfumes, but he read the sign that said: "Although the effectiveness of these Bach Flower Remedies essences may be controversial, if they make you feel better, so what? We suggest these be used in conjunction with floral healing therapy.” Next to the shelf was a plethora of posters; One of the posters was about Eisenman flower therapy, which focused on the colors of flowers and how flowers can act as a catalyst for feelings, and they stimulate pleasant emotions further than through the senses of sight and smell. Another poster was an advertisement by Carla Lilies promoting weekly DIY flower arrangement classes as a therapeutic modality, offering a safe space for both adults and children. The final poster seemed to be a printout of a page of a research paper by Dr. Moblit Berner – Levi recognized the name – depicting research of the psychological impact of flowers.

Levi then moved on, approaching the wall next to the fireplace. He lazily scanned through the multitude of framed pictures. There was one of Eren and the Asian woman dressed in the same black middle school uniform, the only difference being a burgundy scarf around the female’s neck. Then the two were slightly older, posing with a group of their friends for Halloween: the Asian teen was dressed as Wonder Woman, and she was joined by a horse and a cowboy, a clown duo, a princess and a knight, and several other teens also dressed as superheroes. All of their costumes looked interestingly professional and coordinated with one another. But strangely enough, Eren was dressed in an emerald green cloak, white slacks, a brown cropped jacket, and brown knee-length boots – why was Eren dressed up in the uniform of the Recon Corps, no, the “Scout Division”? Government secrets of the military’s secret military aside, Levi was internationally renowned for his strength. The first instance of his actual appearance being publicized was after Levi’s twentieth Wings of Freedom medallion – and Eren’s costume was of the same uniform that Levi had worn in that photoshoot. Of course, both outfits had lacked 3DMG, which Levi’s squad used alongside swords in order to perform war-capable assassinations. But only the upper echelons of the Paradis Military knew about such technology. So, Levi squinted his eyes and saw Eren’s crudely handmade pin depicting the rank of captain. Suddenly, it all made sense. And Levi did not know how to feel about the fact that, for the first time in months, he felt unbothered by the sight of his military uniform – crude rendition or not. And so, he moved on to the next frame, which held a picture of the ocean. It was a recent shot of Eren and the woman standing on the beach and lifting the blond child into the air; a smile on all of their faces. But while the photographs seemed to become more recent as one looked left to right and top to bottom, in the very center of the wall was a more dated photograph. Eren, around age five, grinned happily next to a woman who looked so much like him that she had to be his mother.

“Levi, sir, your tea is ready!” Levi turned around a bit too swiftly to see Eren setting up tea on a table in front of the leather couch. He was preoccupied with his conclusion that there seemed to be no wedding pictures and the fact that Eren had dressed up as him for Halloween once. The veteran awkwardly sat down onto the couch, legs crossed. He uncharacteristically fidgeted at the pure adoration in the younger’s eyes.

“I hope that you enjoy it.” Eren gave the veteran a nervous smile. “It’s our house special.”

Levi recalled that Hange had finally learned how to brew tea from the brat in front of him. Accordingly, Levi picked up the teacup and took a sip. He was immediately surprised by the splendid and rich taste. “It’s fresh chamomile and mint,” said Eren. “Do you like it?”

Levi took another slow sip, ignoring the way that green eyes followed the motion of his throat. The flavor was calming, and the scent of the fresh tea was relaxing. “Not bad.” He also ignored the way that those green eyes lit up as bright as the summer sun. Levi scanned Eren over and realized that the younger was standing stick-straight in front of him, hands behind his back as if in parade rest. “I’m not your captain, brat. Sit down.”

Eren flinched and chuckled timidly, positioning himself on the couch across from Levi, legs squeezed together and fingers squirming. Levi blinked and set the teacup down. “I have to say, good job on teaching Hange. That four-eyed freak was shit at brewing tea for a whole decade.”

“Oh, right!” Eren’s eyebrows raised, and he set down his tea. “Dr. Zoë did mention that I would be expecting a special customer soon, but they just described you as a tiny old man-” Eren stopped his own words, eyes widened and mouth frozen open. A pure expression of horror appeared on his face and sweat trickled down his cheeks. Levi merely raised an eyebrow at him, eyes half-lidded in apathy. The florist gulped. “Not that you’re old! You’re just older – than me! And your height isn’t a problem, I actually find it quite endearing – AHHH.” Eren groaned and suddenly extended his hand across the table. “Let me start over. My name is Eren Yeager! I’ve known Hange for a few years now since they’re Armin’s psychiatrist – oh, Armin is my adopted son. How do you know them, sir?”

Levi scowled at Eren’s hand. He truly hated any form of contact, citing it as a symptom of his mysophobia. Still, he reluctantly shook it. “Call me Levi, brat.” Eren nodded hurriedly under the weight of the older man’s glare. “And we were in the same platoon. They acted as a military and criminal psychiatrist.”

Eren’s eyes seemed to shine, and Levi could see a multitude of colors in them: gold, turquoise, green… “Wow! I never knew that Dr. Zoë was in your unit of the Scout Division!”

Levi took another sip of the tea and sighed. “Yeah, I put up with their craziness for about ten years in the… Scout Division.” The metaphorical stars in those green eyes seemed to twinkle even more as Eren drank in every syllable that came from the veteran’s mouth. Levi glanced at the floor and muttered under his breath. “It’s not something we like to remember.”

Perhaps Eren had superhuman hearing, or if he was a master at deciphering emotions through a person’s tone – after all, he had mentioned Armin. Those stars faded away, and Eren gave Levi a small, closed-lip smile. “…Well, I just remembered that you came here for flowers. Considering your words, I assume they’re for Hange.” Levi’s annoyed expression just confirmed Eren’s inference, causing the younger man to snicker. “I already prepped several flower variants that they like. I can definitely start on their bouquet right now if you’d like to follow me!”

At the sight of Eren’s absolutely dazzling smile, Levi stayed silent. He was not sure of how to respond to Eren’s behavior. Everyone Levi came across was either deathly afraid of the Captain or treated him like a hero. And despite Eren’s initial hero-worship, the way the younger man was speaking to Levi made him feel like he was just a normal human being. Perhaps it was solely due to the reason that Eren was the first civilian Levi had conversed with in years. But that was exactly why he made Levi feel _human_. The veteran was lost in his thoughts as Eren cleared up the tea and led Levi towards a marble counter near the kitchen. “So, other than ‘fuck you,’ what message or emotion would you like the arrangement to convey?” Eren asked.

Levi was able to hoist himself onto the tall black stool with ease, but sudden pressure against his left calf caused him to wince. The pain was so minimal and routine that it went unnoticed. But it also brought back years-old memories of an undetected IED deep into Titan territory, a sudden upheaval of gunpowder and HMMWV and human body parts, and Hange screaming as they carried Levi. Hange had been the one to treat Levi’s leg that day, as the unit’s medic had been killed in the blast. They kept apologizing again and again, which was uncharacteristic of the professionally trained doctor, as they had poured alcohol onto the exposed bone and onto a suture needle. Then, Gunther and Gelgar had to hold Levi down and shoved his cravat into his mouth so that Hange could perform emergency, unsanitary surgery. “Captain Levi?” The sound of Eren’s voice snapped Levi from his contemplations. The veteran looked up and found a look of concern in those green eyes. Levi moved his hand away from his leg and replied, “I want to tell Hange thank you, but also to stop making me hate them.” Although his words would seem harsh to anyone, his tone was gentle.

Eren hummed and placed his hand to his chin. With his eyes shut, he pictured something for a few seconds. “Okay, I think I know. I’m going to prepare my materials.” The florist then repeated that same dazzling smile and practically sprinted to another room. Levi blinked slowly.

The ex-captain sighed and took off his loose, black coat jacket. While he was hanging it on the back of the chair, he reflected about its previous owner – Levi’s uneventful discharge meant that he could spend all day burying himself in his thoughts. _Just another person I have to thank_.Levi adjusted his cravat, thinking of his former commander. _Especially after that blizzard._

Eren skidded into Levi’s sight, carrying a basket of several blue and white flowers in one gloved hand, and a dark blue translucent, rounded vase in the other. He moved around the station with the expertise of someone twice his age, dipping the heads of hydrangeas into water and treating the blossoms. Eren rummaged through drawers and set out pruning shears, bunch cutters, multipurpose scissors, floral tape, rubber bands, and a roll of white ribbon. Levi watched, curious, as Eren laid out a variety of blue and white flowers, some of which were unfamiliar to the veteran. The florist caught Levi’s heavy gaze and he blushed.

“U-Um, so usually when I have a custom arrangement session with someone, I teach them about flower symbolism so there is more meaning to their gift,” Eren said, analyzing the flowers in front of him and visualizing the arrangement. “Would you like to learn about it?”

Levi recalled that Hange held admiration for Eren’s knowledge of tea brewing and flower symbolism. He had already been pleased by the former. And so, he nodded, watching as Eren’s eyes lit up happily – _he’s like… like a puppy._

“Great!” Eren chirped, picking up a white rose, “I already have the bouquet in mind.”

“That’s impressive,” Levi admitted. From what he knew of floral design from his mother, Levi understood that most florists took at least ten minutes to sketch out an arrangement, but Eren seemed to be diving in headfirst – although, considering the beauty and complexity of his arrangements, Levi decided to give him some faith.

Eren blushed as his hands swiftly moved. “S-So, from what I know about Dr. Zoë and about you- _your words_ , I have prepared several different types of flowers,” Eren began a deft routine of positioning flowers, rotating the vase, and cutting stems. “Everyone knows about roses. I chose white roses, which symbolize youthfulness, which we know Hange acts like they have loads of.” Levi rolled his eyes, a smirk threatening his lips. The younger man placed several white roses into the vase and spread them out. “But they are also known as bridal roses.” Levi shot the first meaningful glare of the day towards Eren. Surprisingly, despite Eren’s continued nervousness around Levi, the younger man began to laugh – and Levi wondered: if him being Humanity’s Strongest wasn’t why Eren kept blushing, then what was?

“Well, it’s actually because of your camaraderie. You two have been in the same unit against the Titans for years. White roses also symbolize eternal loyalty to one another.” At Eren’s clarification, Levi’s expression relaxed, and he nodded, liking the idea of the sentiment. Other than one other person, Hange was considered Levi’s current family.

Eren held out a tall stem of light blue hydrangeas. “Hydrangeas mean ‘thank you for understanding.’ It’s usually given to someone who has helped you through a difficult time…” Levi nodded once again. The florist must be extremely experienced to be able to determine which flowers would match his client’s sentiments the most and to consider the aesthetics of the flowers.

Eren continued to work and ramble about the flowers, supplementing the blues and whites with lush green button poms. “Other than the white roses and white chrysanthemums – oh, chrysanthemums represent friendship, and yes, the name is a shitty mouthful – I chose light blue colors because blue is associated with faith, depth, and stability.” Each time he spoke about a flower, he handed one to Levi. “Delphiniums symbolize cheerfulness, goodwill, and encouragement,” the florist held up a tall stem of pure sky-blue flowers. Eren took a few minutes to arrange the blooms with steady hands. “And this flower will represent the other sentiment you want to convey.” Eren then handed the ex-captain a bunch of dark violet-blue flowers. Levi examined it but was unable to identify the plant. “What is it?”

Eren smirked. “This is aconite or monkshood. It’s poisonous to eat, but I doubt Hange will eat it. Because of this, aconite means ‘be cautious.’” Levi harrumphed. “Yep, that’s perfect for them.”

Levi continued to watch Eren skillfully assemble the bouquet, feeling strangely calmed by the sight. Eren arranged the flowers with a precise eye, and the vase slowly but surely began to hold a work of art. Levi was content to watch Eren make arrangements all day.

“And for the finishing touch, a few calla lilies,” Eren said, focused on the flower in his hand with pure reverence in his eyes. Levi glanced at it and noticed that something was different: the white calla lily had a tiny discolored mark on the inner part of the flower. “Why didn’t you pick a nicer flower?” Levi asked, genuinely confused. All of the other flowers that Eren chose looked absolutely pristine; quintessential specimens of each type. Eren directed his gaze towards the veteran and he began to stutter. “I-I can always get a different flower, sir! I-I’m sorry if I insulted you, let me go grab one right away.” Eren hurriedly stood up, but Levi reached over the counter and grabbed onto his arm.

“No. Tell me why.” Levi stared into Eren’s eyes, almost lost in the passion in them, which ignited with his inquiry. Eren sat back down and held up the lily so they both could look at it.

“Well, to tell you the truth… When I was younger, my mother ran a home business of flower arrangements, and she grew tons of flowers in the backyard. She would only use the most beautiful looking flowers for clients, of course, and so do I.” Eren said, gently running a finger down the lily’s stem. “But as long as I could remember, she always said that when you’re making something for someone special, someone who truly loves you, they wouldn’t care about little imperfections on a flower when they have the whole bouquet. Because that someone loves you with all of your imperfections too, and your gift is an extension of yourself; of your true emotions. My mother always believed in that idea for every flower, even the most stubborn variants she attempted to grow.” The atmosphere in the room was endearing, if not a little personal, making Levi shift in his chair. Eren’s smile grew. “She never gave up on those flowers. Regardless of how frustrating or imperfect a flower seemed to be, she told me to give it a chance. If I have one perfect rose out of a harvest of twenty, then I sure as hell will use craft those nineteen roses into a bouquet for my family, because I know they’ll understand. Every flower has potential… it just appears in different ways.” Eren, feeling daring with his speech, slowly placed his hand on top of Levi’s. “Sometimes the most imperfect flowers have the most meaning, because they bear testament to the struggles that you’ve gone through with them… In this case, with Hange. I know them, and that they will understand that such flowers show the strength of your appreciation for one another. I had a feeling that Hange is, to you, that ‘someone special,’ and vice versa. That’s why I chose this lily. Of course, some flowers are so screwed that we turn them into fertilizer, but… regardless!”

Levi was stunned into silence. Other than Eren’s lame final statement, Levi absorbed every syllable that came out of the florist’s mouth. It seemed as if Eren was emotionally wise beyond his years, and that he truly understood the purest forms of love and appreciation possible; including the ways that he could show them. “Your mother… she is brilliant.” Levi said softly, the tension from his face completely gone in a rare instance. Eren’s speech evoked some strange feeling from him, something he had buried deep inside of his role as the Captain of the Recon Corps. Levi was suddenly reminded of his own mother, Hange, and Erwin – all people who never gave up on him despite his own shortcomings, all people who he held genuine, albeit obscured, appreciation for.

Eren gave the ex-captain a wholehearted smile and leaned towards him. “You think so? She’d be honored to hear that.” But his smile faded. “And, if I may be selfish about it… I can’t bear letting a calla lily go to waste. You can say that I’m biased to believe all calla lilies are beautiful. They were my mom’s favorite flower.”

It clicked for Levi – the sad tone, the usage of past tense, the shop’s name. “Your mother’s name… it was Carla, right?”

Eren nodded, failing to be discrete in wiping a tear. “Yeah. Her name was Carla.” He finally realized that he was imposing himself upon Levi’s personal bubble. Eren yelped and let go of Levi’s hand. “Oh my God, I am so sorry!”

Levi hesitantly retracted his hand. Not knowing how he should react, all he did was roll his eyes. “Just place the flower, brat. I liked your speech.”

The younger man’s eyes lit up and he grasped the lily by the stem. The way he positioned the flowers were delicate and meaningful, but even more so for the four calla lilies on each section of the arrangement. To finish, Eren gently tugged a rubber band around the stems and wrapped a strip of white ribbon around the vase. He then carefully rotated the vase around to face Levi. “All done! It took me a bit longer than usual, but I hope you like it.”

Levi hadn’t even realized that half an hour had gone by. He scanned the arrangement and was not disappointed. He did not feel like verbalizing the impressiveness of the younger man’s talent: to be able to create a work of art with such heavy symbolism, emotion, and dedication in such a short amount of time. But Eren continued to stare at him expectantly. Levi sighed. “It’s perfect, Eren. Hange will love it.”

Eren let out a squeal of delight. “I’m happy! Would you like to take it home today, or should I deliver it? I will be seeing them tomorrow for Armin.”

“Deliver. I don’t want to be suffocated by their nasty hugs.”

“Roger that.” At the younger man’s diction, Levi’s stare turned cold again, making Eren twitch and turn to wash his hands – now that the florist was out of his element, the veteran was getting tired of Eren’s blushing mood swings. He watched as Eren carried the arrangement into the other room, where he assumed was a large refrigerator. When Eren returned in front of Levi, he twiddled his fingers and looked down at the floor.

“Well, it’s obvious that you want to say something,” Levi remarked. “Say it.”

Eren blushed for the umpteenth time that day. He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed his nerves. “Um… I was just wondering. Why did Dr. Zoë tell you to come here, of all places? It’s just a humble flower shop. There are many more famous ones in the capital city.”

Levi suppressed another eye roll. Although he just met the brat, he had a feeling about him and did not want to immediately ruin their relationship by being too rude. “Four-Eyes went on and on about your skill. They raved about your tea and focus on floral therapy,” the ex-captain said, fingers drawing circles onto his thigh.

“Ahh, they must be referring you for our therapeutic treatments,” Eren exclaimed. “My mother was a strong believer in the therapeutic effects of floral design. Our shop believes in reconnecting humans to nature, especially in a country as industrialized as Paradis. But we wouldn’t have been able to properly implement floral healing therapy without the help of Dr. Zoë and Dr. Berner,” Eren smiled at Levi brightly. It was clear that the younger man was very passionate about the subject. “I can tell you more about what we offer if you’d like!”

Levi’s mouth twitched downwards. In his life, he had been forced to take more medications and treatments than he could count on his fingers for his comorbidity of PTSD, depression, and anxiety: sertraline, paroxetine, fluoxetine, venlafaxine, citalopram, vilazodone, vortioxetine, cognitive behavior therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing… the list went on. Several psychiatrists had insisted on Exposure and Response Prevention, but Erwin reassured them that Levi did not have OCD – he was just a clean freak. In addition, the veteran only took his medications as a direct order from Erwin, but Levi hated any type of psychotherapy and counseling because he hated dealing with people.

“Flowers, huh?” Levi looked around the shop once again. He instantly felt better by breathing in the air inside Carla Lilies in comparison to the musty, city air outside. And just talking to Eren engendered a sense of normalcy in Levi.

Eren frowned and bit his lip. “Is there something wrong with flowers?” The younger man looked like a whipped puppy, and Levi sighed for the umpteenth time that day. “Oy, I never said that. It’s the opposite,” Levi retorted. “I’ll think about it. I’m just… _tired_.”

Levi’s confession was heavy beyond the veteran’s light pallor and dark eyebags, beyond what was left unsaid. Eren’s smile disappeared and a contemplative look appeared on his face. He seemed to be examining the ex-captain. After a stifling moment of silence, the younger man leaned into Levi’s space and stared at him, turquoise eyes glistening.

“If it means anything to you, I wanted to join the Scout Division as a child.” Eren’s cheeks tinted, and he looked down. “It was my dream to serve under you, Captain.”

Levi was unsure of how he should respond to such a bold proclamation. The only manner of communication that one could evoke from the ex-captain was sarcastic, shit jokes, but even he had the tact to realize that it was not appropriate for the situation. He scanned the blushing figure in front of him, watching as Eren opened his mouth slightly and immediately closed it afterward. Levi held back a sigh, knowing that the brat wanted the veteran to be nosy so that he could explicate his thoughts without seeming overbearing. “So, what changed?”

Eren gave him a sad smile. “Well… like we discussed, my mother died, and my father left us. Luckily, he was a doctor and gave us enough money for us to sustain ourselves. I had just turned eighteen, then, and I had to withdraw my enrollment in the military.”

“…I see.” Levi murmured after some time. He thought through his next words carefully, as he was usually on the receiving end of pity. “She was beautiful. You look just like her.” The brunet blushed and looked at Levi. “You really think so?”

“Brat, I don’t waste words. Go on.”

Eren laughed. “Good to know,” he placated, hands clutched together. “Sometimes I forget the sound of her own voice, and it’s honestly scary. I was a… rowdy child, and she was able to calm me down by forcing me to help her arrange flowers. So, I started this shop in honor of her. And I love living here with my family. But sometimes I wish I still went off to basic training… It was hard for me to make the choice. Some evil part of me regrets it.”

Levi listened to his words. Surprisingly, the florist and the veteran had some trials and tribulations in common. “Well, the only thing we’re allowed to do is to believe that we won’t regret the choice we made.” The older man emphasized, eyebrows furrowing. His mind flashed to the choices that his subordinates had made, which had gotten them stupidly killed – and while a part of Levi wanted to no longer regret such choices, his more hypocritical, humanistic side succumbed to guilt; the guilt that arose as a result of a continuous cycle of regret. Levi shook away the parasitic thoughts and he stared at Eren. “Do you regret your choice?”

Eren pondered Levi’s words. In another life, he could picture himself and Mikasa standing by Levi, hands in a salute and shoulders draped with the cloak of the Scout Division. He followed the ex-captain’s gaze to the wall filled with photographs. But in this life, he was perfectly happy with living as a florist, arranging bouquets with Mikasa, and reading books with Armin.

Eren’s eyes lit up, and he turned back towards Levi. “No sir. I don’t.” Levi nodded slowly. Satisfied, the veteran stood up and grabbed his jacket, hanging it over his shoulders.

“Well, I’ll be taking my leave now. How much?” Levi asked, rifling through his leather wallet.

“Eh?” Eren stood, and Levi was unfortunately reminded of their height difference. “No no no! It’s on the house.”

“Hah? No way.”

“I assure you! I enjoyed you – your company. And don’t worry, I’ll deliver those flowers tomorrow,” Eren ventured. “Just promise me…” Those green eyes stared into Levi’s soul. “Promise that you’ll come back?” He ended off nervously.

Levi heavily sighed. The florist gazed at him expectantly, an invisible tail shaking slightly. “Fine. I liked your tea." Eren gave him the brightest smile of the day and continued to walk him out. “Yay! Thank you, Captain Levi!” Levi nearly chuckled in amusement. He cleared his throat to cover it up. On the way out, he secretly placed two one-hundred-dollar bills underneath a vase near the cash register.

Eren began to babble once again. “It was an honor to meet you and talk to you, Levi, sir, and I look forward to seeing you again. I’ll be waiting – uh, well, um… AHH, I’ll see you whenever! Thank you!” Eren bent at his waist in a low bow. Levi opened the door, but he paused halfway through, glancing at the figure behind him. “Oh, and I forgot to mention I’m coming back three times a week.”

The last sounds the raven-haired man experienced from the flower shop were of a body hitting the floor, the thunder of rushed footsteps downstairs, an alarmed female screech, and a child’s high-pitched laughter.


End file.
